DEAR JANE: I just discovered the REAL meaning of my stepdad's childhood nickname for me, and I'm deeply disturbed Do you have a question for Jane? Email: dearjane@mailonline.com READ MORE: I thought I discovered the secret to an amazing sex life... but now my trick has ruined everything By JANE GREEN FOR DAILYMAIL.COM Published: 13:56 BST, 13 April 2025 | Updated: 13:56 BST, 13 April 2025 My mum and stepdad have been together since I was eight years old (I'm now 17). It took a little while for me to warm up to him, but we are now very close. My real dad is out of the picture, so my stepdad is my only father figure, and he doesn't have any other children of his own, so I'm his main priority. However, I discovered something a few days ago that has left me deeply disturbed. You see, my stepdad has always called me Bunny. It's his special nickname for me that he started using when he got me a toy bunny for my ninth birthday. The other day, I was helping him clean out the loft and I came across a box of toys and photo albums. Inside the box was a toy bunny just like mine, and inside the photo albums were pictures of my stepdad with his ex-wife and a little girl - referred to as 'Bunny' in the captions. I confronted him with the contents of the box and he immediately got teary-eyed and emotional. He told me that he had a daughter with his ex-wife who passed away when she was eight years old from cancer. The death was so heartbreaking for them that their marriage didn't survive and my stepdad moved away and met my mother. Dear Jane: I just discovered the REAL meaning of my stepdad's childhood nickname for me, and I'm deeply disturbed. Be the first to commentBe one of the first to commentComments Do YOU have a question for Jane? Ask it here: Dear Jane... I feel betrayed that I was never told any of this despite the fact that my mum knew all along. I also feel uncomfortable knowing that my stepdad gave me the same toy as his dead daughter and had the same nickname for me. It's like he tried to replace her with me. After learning the secret of my stepdad's dead daughter, I started to spiral. Perhaps he was in search of a new daughter and specifically targeted my single mother because he found out she had a little girl the same age as his deceased child. The whole situation creeps me out. I certainly do not want him to call me Bunny anymore, but I don't know how to express all of this to him without being insensitive towards his loss. Am I over-reacting or is my stepdad potentially a psychopath? International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column Dear Bunny 2.0, I can understand how jarring it must have been to discover your stepfather had a whole other life. While you are justified in being upset, I think he may have chosen to keep this from you simply because it's still too painful to talk about. And, while I think it's normal for your brain to take huge leaps when it has been given such discombobulating information, I do think it may be a stretch to assume that your mother was specifically targeted. In fact, it sounds like your stepfather is a wonderful man, and provided you with all the love and stability in the world. Given what we too often hear about the difficulty of stepparent/stepchild relationships, I think you are lucky. I certainly wouldn't worry for even a second that your stepfather is a psychopath – nothing in his behavior indicates that, nor does it seem there was any evil intent behind him calling you Bunny. Most of us have names we bestow upon those we love and we often repeat the same term of endearment for multiple different people. I have been known to 'darling' people to death. Using these nicknames on multiple people does not diminish the feeling behind them. The young girl who was called Bunny before you was just as lucky as you are to have had this man in her life. One could argue how magical it is that he bestowed upon you the same name he gave his biological daughter. I do understand that this may still be difficult for you. I think a professional counsellor would be a wonderful way for you to process the many complicated feelings you have. And try to find gratitude for being so loved by someone who is not a biological parent — someone who has chosen you. My ex-husband and I are divorced and we share a 10-year-old daughter. We separated two years ago and are now on fairly good terms, but he's been doing something that is bothering me. He makes much more money than I do, but I also have a good wage. I don't take child support from him and I'm fine with that. However, he has started spoiling my daughter rotten when she spends time with him. She usually goes to him on weekends. He treats her to endless shopping trips, they go to Broadway musicals and concerts and eat out every meal. The most recent extravagant gift was a puppy! My ex-husband is entitled to give our daughter treats, but this is getting out of hand, and it's hurting my relationship with her. She turns her nose up at the healthy meals I cook for her from scratch because she wants fast food and ice cream. She is constantly complaining that she's 'bored' when she spends weekends with me because I'm not taking her on exciting outings. And she never wants to come to my house anymore because she misses her puppy, which stays at her dad's house because I'm allergic to dogs. I don't know how to approach this with my ex. He's a great dad overall and I'm sure he just thinks he is doing nice things for his daughter, but it's all turning her into a spoilt brat. What can I do to improve my relationship with my daughter and tell her father to stop spoiling her without sounding jealous? JANE'S SUNDAY SERVICE Our job as parents, is not only to love our children unconditionally, but to remember that parenting is a job. One day, our children will leave the comfort and safety of our homes to go out into the world, and we must prepare them for that. Our children will spend their lives encountering failure and rejection, so we have to create resilient young adults who can deal with those disappointments. We must help them learn to carry themselves through the world with manners, respect and grace. Advertisement Dear Bad cop, I have known many 'Disney dads' in my time, and I fully understand how frustrating it is to be the strict parent. It's no fun being the one to dole out discipline and rules - especially as your daughter is at an age where she wants all the fun stuff her father is providing, with none of the rules or restrictions that you are imposing. But know this: When your daughter is older she will understand, and even appreciate, all that you are doing for her. You are providing her with the security of a stable home life, rather than the constant excitement of treats. Despite your frustration with your ex's behavior it sounds like you understand that he is ultimately a good father. This shows just how mature you are and I must commend you on the healthy relationship you have with him. Given that you are on good terms, I do think it's possible for you to be able to talk to him about his parenting style. Certainly, sharing your concerns and asking if he can dial it back seems fair to me. Of course, having his daughter hero-worship him after the divorce may not be something he is willing to give up. So, remember, you are doing a great job and an important one! Even though your daughter may not see this now, one day she will. Share or comment on this article: DEAR JANE: I just discovered the REAL meaning of my stepdad's childhood nickname for me, and I'm deeply disturbed Add comment