Have you ever tried to engage a toddler in a serious argument? If you have, you might have found that the experience is far from productive. This is primarily because toddlers lack an understanding of what an argument truly is; they are not genuinely interested in having one. In fact, their reactions often mirror the behaviors of various types of adultssuch as defensive bureaucrats, bullies, flat earthers, individuals committed to a specific agenda, and even radio talk show hosts. Though these individuals might express a desire to engage in argumentative discourse, they are actually seeking connection, making noise, play-acting, or even attempting to gain social status.

At its core, an argument should be an exchange of ideas. An effective argument has the potential to surface new insights and lead to well-reasoned conclusions. When you regularly engage in discussions with well-informed individuals who have goodwill, its not uncommon to find yourself changing your mind about certain topicsessentially 'losing' about half the time. This process of changing ones opinion is a hallmark of meaningful discourse. If you find that you are never changing your mind during these interactions, it might indicate that you are not truly engaging in an argument, or perhaps you are surrounding yourself with people who reinforce your existing beliefs.

In many ways, the behavior of a toddler reflects a deeper truth about argumentation in adult life. When toddlers feign arguments, they are often just putting on a show, holding back a tantrum in case they dont get their way. If the child 'wins' the argument, they feel validated and no tantrum is necessary. Conversely, if they lose, they can justify a potential outburst by telling themselves that they attempted to argue, but the other party simply didnt listen.

To foster more meaningful discussions, consider starting with questions that invite reflection: Tell me about other strongly-held positions youve changed as a result of discussions like this one. This technique not only prompts deeper thinking but also allows for the exploration of how one might shift their perspective. Asking, What sort of information would make it likely you could see this in a different way? can further facilitate a constructive dialogue.

Ultimately, it may not be fruitful to engage in arguments about beliefs we have chosen to adopt as part of our identity. Such beliefs are often deeply ingrained and can create barriers to open-minded discourse. Instead, approaching conversations with an openness to change and a willingness to learn can pave the way for richer interactions and a better understanding of differing viewpoints.