A young female doctor from South Africa, Dr. Celiwe Ndaba, has ignited a nationwide dialogue on a form of domestic abuse that is often overlooked: financial abuse. Through a compelling series of viral videos, Dr. Ndaba courageously shared her personal story of how she was financially exploited by her estranged husband, Temitope Dada, leading to their separation. In her videos, often filmed while she was driving to work, the mother of three detailed how, despite her successful medical career, she found herself ensnared in a toxic marriage. She described feeling manipulated into funding her husband's lavish lifestyle, including his desire to drive a costly Mercedes Benz.

Dr. Ndaba revealed that her decision to take out loans for her husbands luxurious car was a pivotal point in their relationship and the worst decision of her life, which ultimately placed immense financial strain on her family. Despite her repeated pleas for him to downgrade to a more affordable vehicle, he refused, accusing her of wanting to turn him into a laughing stock by making him drive a small car. After sharing her experience, Dr. Ndaba changed back to using her maiden name, a significant step for her reclaiming her identity. Following her revelations, her social media following surged as many women resonated with her story.

In the wake of this social media whirlwind, Dr. Dada opened a TikTok account where he famously introduced himself as Mr. Benz or nothing, indicating a clear dismissal of the gravity of the situation. He has made several posts under the hashtag #divorcetrauma, vehemently denying Dr. Ndabas accusations, which have transformed the comments section of her posts into supportive forums for women who have endured similar struggles. One user expressed gratitude for Dr. Ndabas bravery, stating, You are brave to speak out so publicly I have been suffering in silence.

Bertus Preller, a lawyer based in Cape Town, has commented on how, despite the growing number of women becoming doctors, lawyers, and business owners in South Africa, financial independence does not necessarily shield them from patriarchal oppression. He explains that womens professional success can ironically make them more vulnerable targets for financial exploitation within domestic settings. Financial abuse occurs when one partner exercises control over the other's financial resources, which is a form of domestic violence aimed at maintaining power and control within the relationship.

In South Africa, such behavior falls under economic abuse as defined by the Domestic Violence Act. Preller elaborates that actions like unjustly withholding money for essentials or interfering with shared financial assets fall within the scope of this legal classification. This issue has particularly affected women who inadvertently find themselves in situations where they are funding their partners lifestyles or business ventures, often at the expense of their own financial security.

A university lecturer, who chose to remain anonymous, shared her harrowing experience with the BBC. She recounted how her husband lied about his qualifications and ultimately left her with significant financial debt. A series of deceptions started with him using her car without refueling, followed by loans she took for his unsuccessful business endeavors, leading to an eviction notice when he stopped contributing to their familys expenses. The lecturer described enduring close to a decade of both financial and physical abuse, stating, Hes very smart... I was in love with his smartness, his big dreams. But he couldnt follow them up with actions. She added that even when he did manage to earn money, he would withhold it for himself, further isolating her financially.

Legal financial expert Somila Gogoba remarked on the deeper psychological implications of financial abuse. She indicated that for abusers, such behavior often stems from feelings of inadequacy and the need for dominance, while victims can experience feelings of worthlessness and fear that can be paralyzing. Research conducted by the University of South Africa indicates that women who are the primary breadwinners in their families face a significantly higher risk of intimate partner violence. Out of a detailed study of ten women, only two were married, with many expressing that their experiences of violence were exacerbated by their status as earners, which threatened traditional gender norms surrounding male providers.

Dr. Ndabas revelations have prompted a wave of solidarity among women on social media, with many sharing anecdotes of giving their partners their credit cards when dining out, an act that allows the male partner to appear as if he is paying. Sociologist Nombulelo Shange, from the University of the Free State, described this behavior as indicative of the cultural pressures that women face in trying to maintain harmony in their relationships. She noted that many women feel compelled to shoulder the burden of happiness in their households, often leading them to make financial sacrifices for their partners.

Dr. Ndaba emphasizes the importance of addressing financial issues within marriages, urging women to have frank conversations about finances and emotional backgrounds before committing. Gogoba advises women to protect themselves financially by maintaining separate bank accounts and being vigilant about their financial transactions. Across the board, experts agree that love should not come with an unsustainable financial burden, reinforcing the idea that healthy relationships should foster mutual respect and support.