Pauline Hanson’s Two Nations: Pottering around the streets of Wills, we were greeted with Bruce Stevens’ giant Italian flag. Stevens is the One Nation candidate for the seat, and for reasons completely unknown to just about everybody, has spent the weeks leading up to polling day with a giant Italian flag attached to his campaign car. We guess that makes… two nations? Malcolm’s not saying nothing: As the party he once led rushes to shore up last-minute support for its bid for government, former prime minister Malcolm Turnbull has made sure to stay far away from the hubbub, both politically and literally. Turnbull texted Crikey back overnight in response to some questions sent Friday morning, asking him what he thought of the campaign efforts so far. Were the leaders focusing on the right areas, what would he have done differently, and what does he think has been the big story of this election campaign? “Sorry, I am travelling … I guess we will find out very soon,” Turnbull wrote cryptically. Helmets on, the Liberals are coming: Monique Ryan has already proven she’s a good sport by granting our media reporter an interview on the hustings today about Crikey for PM’s spam campaign — and having some earnest reflections on the future of how political candidates contact voters. This Camberwell zinger, swiftly deleted, is worth re-upping. Let’s see how she does in that corner of Kooyong tonight… We just want a sausage: Australia’s media has many, many story templates ready to roll out every election. But among the most prolific? The bloody price of those darn democracy sausages *shakes fist*. True to form, Daily Mail Australia delivered with the genuinely quite outrageous find of a $6 democracy sausage in Marrickville. It’s Albo’s fault, probably. Meanwhile, news.com.au felt the need to warn Australians about an, ahem, “astonishing sausage trend”. Electoral fracas: Meanwhile, on the mean streets of Goldstein, a tipster sighted far-right agitator Matt Trihey — the same Trihey who gatecrashed a Kooyong candidates Friends of the ABC forum earlier in the campaign — outside of Hampton Primary School polling booth. The Australian Federal Police had fronted up too. “I was in the car and stopped at the red light — told him to piss off.” Crikey understands that far-right agitators have also harassed members of the Asylum Seeker Resource Centre (ASRC) in Goldstein and Kooyong in particular. Seeking volunteer, friendly: Between leafleting, corflutes and spamming voters, running an election campaign is tough work. Luckily, you can pay people to do shit jobs for you. The Sydney Morning Herald revealed several candidates across Sydney had posted ads on AirTasker offering $100 for willing punters to hand out how-to-vote cards. Who needs friends, hey? Or political allies? Anything you can do, I can do… worse: It’s not exactly up there with last election’s boat arrivals spam from the Coalition, but this text lobbed in to a tipster’s phone from the ALP over the knife edge seat of Deakin, which Liberal Michael Sukkar holds by just 0.02% after a redistribution. ‘Right-wing turds’: The Liberal Party’s brainrot TikTok strategy copped a brutal sledge from one’s of the app’s most popular creators, Ray William Johnson (who boasts an impressive 18.4 million followers). The party has been posting videos copying Johnson’s distinctive storytelling style, preemptively blocking him so he wouldn’t find out. But as first reported on PedestrianTV, he did find out — and called the party out on election eve, saying: The Liberal Party of Australia blocked me on TikTok. Motherfucker why? What did I do? I’ve never even heard of you until my wife showed me your video … What are kind of government political party are you? You know what, thee next election you guys have? I hope you lose. I hope everyone goes out and goes out and votes for the other guy, because: fuck you, that’s why … Like why am I always having drama with these international politicians? First you got the sex trafficker in the Philippines [Apollo Quiboloy] and now these right wing turds in Australia. I’m just over here tryna make videos, damn. And the exit polls are out: Courtesy of Channel Nine, the most memorable moment of the campaign was Prime Minister Anthony Albanese falling off a stage. We preferred Dutton boinking a cameraman with a Sherrin, personally. Church and state: It’s not election related, but Lord do you need to see it. Donald Trump, the man who approaches the 10 Commandments as a personal to-do list, has posted an AI-generated picture of himself as the pope on his official Truth Social platform. Pope Francis’ mortal remains were still warm when the US president first floated the option of himself as an ideal option to take over as the bishop of Rome. Was he joking? Who even knows anymore. Let’s check back in a month to see whether Trump decides to go all Henry VIII up in here. Dittloff’s ticket: We love to see a celebrity on the ballot, so we were pleasantly surprised to see the Libertarian Party’s Jordan Dittloff running for a Victorian Senate spot. If Ditloff’s name doesn’t sound familiar, you mustn’t be a regular viewer of Nine’s A Current Affair. Ditloff appeared on the program last year when he was confronted by journalist Alexis Daish over accusing politicians of “stealing” while himself being a convicted thief. According to reporting, Ditloff stole $277,994 from the clients of his travel agency in Colac, Victoria, and spent two years in prison as a result. As of last year, he said he’d repaid $34,638 and hoped to pay off all his debts in a decade. Maybe he could pay it off even quicker if he’s elected, with a salary north of $211,000 in the (very unlikely) scenario he wins a Senate spot.