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At just 20 years old, I embarked on the adventure of parenthood, a journey that has shaped my life in unimaginable ways. Over the years, I have faced countless challenges while raising my three daughters, who are now aged 10, 11, and 12. Through the whirlwind of their activities and the demands of daily life, I have consistently sought to establish a sense of stability and routine within our family. However, at the age of 32, I found myself pregnant once more, this time with our son. It felt as though I was beginning my journey through motherhood all over again.

The challenges of caring for an infant were daunting and felt strangely unfamiliar, especially since I didn't have the luxury of easing into this new role. Responsibilities like bills and expenses waited for no one, and with a family of six, the costs of simply living were substantial. I was not just looking for a job; I was in desperate need of a hustle to ensure our family's survival.

My husband and I both work hard to keep the family afloat, but I have come to realize that our relentless pursuit of financial stability comes with its own costs. In order to make ends meet, I threw myself into multiple freelance gigs that allowed me to work remotely. I stacked contracts and chased every opportunity to guarantee that my family had everything they needed. Yet, what began as a necessity quickly morphed into an all-consuming force in my life.

As it stands, my husband and I now average over 110 hours of work a week combined. While we are grateful to have consistent work, this relentless grind has taken its toll. Recently, my youngest daughter brought to light a truth that I had been trying to ignore: I dont see you anymore. Those words hit me hard; she was absolutely right. I had been so fixated on survivalmanaging groceries, paying medical bills, purchasing school supplies, and juggling everything elsethat I was missing the very moments that make life precious.

Motherhood is an ongoing negotiation between financial obligations and emotional availability, between striving for stability and genuinely enjoying the life we are creating together as a family. In our case, the stakes are particularly high. My 10-year-old daughter suffers from severe scoliosis, which necessitates ongoing medical care, while my sweet 18-month-old son was born with a congenital heart defect that required open-heart surgery shortly after birth. His journey has been fraught with challenges, and he continues to need extensive medical attention.

I find myself in a position where slowing down is not an option; however, I also cannot allow my children's childhoods to pass by in a blur of deadlines and invoices. Thus, I am on a quest to discover what balance looks like for our family. The reality is that finding this balance does not come wrapped up in a neat, Instagram-worthy packageit is quite messy.

Some mornings, I wake up before dawn to tackle assignments, allowing me to be fully present with my children during the afternoons. On other days, I prioritize carving out irreplaceable family time, whether its enjoying pizza while watching Alvin and the Chipmunks or simply engaging in conversation. I have learned the importance of saying no to projects that may offer good pay but would cost me too much in lost time with my kids. Its about making peace with the reality that I cannot do everything at once, but I can make intentional choices that place my family at the forefront.

Balance, I have discovered, is not about achieving a perfect 50/50 split between work and family time; its about ensuring that work does not always come first. Its about finding ways to be present during the fleeting in-between moments because those moments truly matter. While I cant abandon the hustle, I can remind myself of the underlying reasons for my efforts.

Transitioning back into work after giving birth to my youngest has been one of the most challenging adjustments Ive faced. Yet, this experience has served as a powerful reminder that success does not solely rest on financial stability. There are days when I feel like Im hanging on by a thread, but I strive to carve out time for my little ones.

The echo of my daughters words lingers in my mind, as I am determined that her childhood memories will not be filled with the image of parents who were always too busy. I want her to remember that we worked hard, yes, but we also created space for love, laughter, and connection. Even amidst our chaotic days, we choose each other, and we will always choose each other.