My heartfelt gratitude extends to my mother for imparting invaluable lessons about being the ultimate caregiver.

My journey of understanding her sacrifices began long ago, but the depth of her commitment truly dawned on me as I matured. Throughout my childhood, I was oblivious to the immense weight of the responsibilities she shouldered for our family. In an era when women were a rare sight in the technology sector, my mother worked full-time as a programmer during the '80s and '90s while simultaneously raising my sister and me. On top of that, she was the primary caregiver for my chronically ill father, who ultimately succumbed to his health struggles, and also took care of her own mother-in-law. Her move from India to the United States in 1984 added another layer of complexity as she navigated a new culture and environment that were foreign to her.

My father faced significant physical and mental health issues that culminated in his passing when I was just 20 years old. The challenging years leading up to his death were filled with numerous hospital visits, doctor appointments, and treatments, with my mother by his side every step of the way. Her unwavering presence was a source of strength, though at the time, I was too young to grasp the enormity of her sacrifices and the careful thought that went into every decision she made.

Now, as a parent to two autistic children while also navigating my own late-diagnosed autism, I reflect on the lessons I absorbed simply by observing her. One of the most profound lessons was understanding the importance of prioritizing what truly matters, even when it diverges from conventional career paths or societal expectations.

My mother continuously worked hard to build a sustainable life for our family. She frequently faced difficult choices, opting out of promotions and career advancements because she recognized that a more demanding role would mean less time at home with us. Her preference for flexibility over prestige showcases her commitment to our familys well-being. In the years leading up to my father's passing, she secured a position that allowed her to work four 10-hour days instead of the standard five-day week. This adjustment not only provided her with the necessary time to accompany my father to chemotherapy appointments but also underscored her dedication to family over career. While outsiders may have viewed it as a setback, for our family, it was a lifeline.

At the time, I failed to appreciate the significance of her choices. I didnt fully recognize how much she sacrificed in terms of career aspirations and personal ambitions. However, with hindsight, its clear that her decisions were deeply intentional and meaningful, crafted out of love for our family.

When my children received their autism diagnoses, and later when I learned about my own condition, I instinctively turned to my mothers example. She taught me that caregiving extends beyond merely being present during crises; it involves structuring a life that accommodates caregiving from the outset.

In my own life, I've made similar choices, turning down lucrative job offers that came with heavy demands on my time. Like my mother, I have arranged my life to ensure that I leave ample space for what matters most: my family. This has meant reducing my commitments in the community and prioritizing the mental and emotional health of everyone in our household. I am committed to creating a sustainable life that avoids burnout for everyone involved.

Fortunately, I have more options available to me today than my mother did. Advances in technology and the proliferation of flexible work arrangements have made it easier to pursue remote work, take family leave, and achieve a better work-life balance. Nonetheless, the fundamental challenge remains the same: how to construct a life that is conducive to your familys needs, even if it defies traditional norms.

For many years, I held the belief that success equated to ascending the corporate ladderaccumulating promotions, larger salaries, and external validation. However, my mother taught me that success can manifest in various forms. True success involves making decisions that resonate with your values and needs, even if those choices seem unconventional on paper. Its about sustainability, flexibility, and ensuring that caregiving is integrated into daily life rather than crammed into the margins of a busy day.

I have come to realize that my mothers sacrifices extended beyond mere survival; they were about crafting a life that functioned for our family. That is the kind of life I aspire to create for my own children.