Freddie Flintoff says 'part of me wishes I’d been killed' in heartbreaking admission Freddie Flintoff was left with horrific injuries after a crash while filming Top Gear in 2022 and has now opened up about his recovery Freddie Flintoff in Rebuilding Freddie (Image: No credit ) Cricket legend Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff has opened up about his harrowing experience following a serious crash at the Top Gear test track. In a new Disney+ documentary, the 47-year-old speaks about the accident, which includes graphic photos of his wounds and commentary from an oral and maxillofacial surgeon who witnessed his injuries. ‌ During the film, Freddie says: "After the accident I didn't think I had it in me to get through. This sounds awful ... part of me wishes I'd been killed. Part of me thinks, I wish I'd died. Article continues below "I didn't want to kill myself ... I wouldn't mistake the two things. "I was not wishing, I was just thinking, 'this would have been so much easier'. "Now I try to take the attitude that the sun will come up tomorrow and my kids will still give me a hug. I'm probably in a better place now. ‌ Reflecting on his journey, the former England cricket captain says his then three-and-a-half-year-old son Preston "wouldn't come near me". He said: "I think it frightened him, my face, it frightened me. That was heartbreaking. "I've got PTSD and I get anxious, for periods of time, I just find myself crying for no particular reason." ‌ The television presenter revealed that he relives the crash every night when he goes to bed and described the experience as a "vivid" movie. "Even the memories of it are real, to the point where now I'm talking about it and I'm getting a bit jittery and I can feel the pain on the side of my face", he says. "I can feel like a phantom pain. It's like a bit of a curse, really." ‌ The former Top Gear presenter was taken to hospital after he was hurt while filming the BBC motoring show at its test track at Dunsfold Aerodrome in Surrey in December 2022. Recalling the accident, he says: "I thought I was dead because I was conscious but I couldn't see anything." "I was thinking 'is that it?'". ‌ He added: "My biggest fear was, I didn't think I had a face. I thought my face had come off. I was frightened to death." The BBC "rested" Top Gear for the foreseeable future in 2023 after reaching a financial settlement with Flintoff, an agreement reportedly worth around £9million. Flintoff also opens up about his relationship with alcohol and experience with bulimia in the 90-minute documentary. ‌ Comedian Jack Whitehall and actor and TV presenter James Corden, who appeared alongside him on A League Of Their Own, feature in the film. Speaking ahead of the documentary's premiere, Flintoff told the PA news agency that he been asked to do autobiographical-style pieces before "and always found it a bit embarrassing." "The nice thing I suppose from a cricket sense is looking back on it, on a cricket career, which I don't tend to do to be honest, I tend to look forward," he said. ‌ He added: "For me, I think people watch it and make their own minds up about me." "I'm not trying to influence that. I've made it. It's gonna be out there, and it's up to people to decide. I'm sure there'll be some opinions." Speaking about the future, he added: "I'm comfortable in what I'm doing now. I really enjoy it. You know, I do the odd TV job but I'm happy". Article continues below Flintoff led the Northern Superchargers in the most recent edition of The Hundred and in December 2024 he presented a festive version of darts-themed game show Bullseye on ITV. Flintoff will premiere exclusively on Disney+ in the UK and Ireland on Friday April 25.